Friday, February 12, 2010

Winter Hibernation



I love winter, really!.  Especially this year.  I have been able to stay at home, snug as a bug, these last two months.  And I feel blessed.  A foot of snow outside, juncos, house wrens, finches, woodpeckers, squirrels and deer out side in my backyard.  BUT: After shutting down my consignment shop, I have felt lost -  like a young friend dying early or a parachute not opening or the crown falling off your head.  My days feel meaningless, there is no objective or goal to accomplish, no reason to get out of bed, no benefit of life.  I breathe, I sleep, I eat and I call my Mom.  I write in my journal, I have learned to knit, I go to my Bernina Sewing Classes, twice a week, I hand quilt because my sewing machine was in the shop (I messed up the tension), I check my e-mail and facebook and then I get back into bed.  My warm comfortable bed.  Thank God for my bed.  NO, I am not depressed, I am just hibernating  like a bear.  Waiting for Spring, Waiting for the sunshine,  waiting for my dreams to appear, waiting for my dreams to come true.  "If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well maybe----- well maybe---    "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac.  What am I saying-I'm in shut down mode-in my cave-in the dark-well maybe!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I gotta talk.

Someone died this week.  Bryan Murphy.   I still think about him still, after all these years.  at least 10 years.  I don't know where I meet him  but I know when I did, I loved him instintly.  His eyes, his body, his dick, his way of letting you know that you were loved, his way of letting you know that he would take you beyond your dreams , his way of making your dreams come true, his way of making your sexual fantacy's come alive and be everything that that you want themto be. 

This a new list/

Help me, I don't know if dreams to come true, can to make them come true or make them happen.  I gotta go